There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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