thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
