Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
