I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
