Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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