problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
