I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
