bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize