alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
