Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
