On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
