I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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