I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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