so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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