At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
