I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
soo... how was my night?
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