We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
