HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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