Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
