Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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