I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
