i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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