Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
