Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
