mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
