who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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