Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
