How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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