it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think my moral compass just broke
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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