Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
