Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
