No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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