i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
