i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
