hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can text with my tongue
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
