Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
