His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
