I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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