Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
