I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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