he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
