Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize