Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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