you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
