Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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