The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
