i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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