Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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