we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
