ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
