Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
