Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Found the puke drawer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
