she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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