he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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