so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
