4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
