I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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