Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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