I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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