he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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