just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize