this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
