ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
