i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I believe in your delicious
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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