Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
