I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
