Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
