At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize